Wednesday, September 3, 2008

BLAH!

Do you ever feel like no one understands what you are going through? No one... no one... no one. You are completely alone... and if someone did know... they would just judge you or wonder why you aren't trying harder. I just want to feel understood... I just want to be in a good place... where is that? Where? Tell me and I'll go.

I'm tired of life... I think I'm going to just clock out. I'm done.

Wouldn't that be nice to just "clock out" and you are taken to this completely white, silent place with a little white couch. Where you can sit in a therapy session with Jesus. God I need one of those... one, ha!

I think if things don't change for us... I'll need a lot more than one.

There is my transparency for the year. Transparency is not my strong point... I'm a very shy person at first and it takes me a while to really open up to people... unless I am in a leadership position and then I can force myself to be more outgoing... but naturally I have always been shy. It seems the older I get the longer it takes me to really open up to people. I don't know why that is ... but it bugs me... Most of the time I feel like such a boring person. I would yawn if I spent time with me. Why can't I just be silly, witty and fun like I am with my long-time friends? Why is it so hard to just be myself? Why can't I just talk about what's going on in my life, how I am doing and what I am struggling with?
If I just keep it to myself then it's not really happening, right? That's always a good logic... same ones my friends used in high school when they wrote notes in class while everyone else was watching a video on how bad smoking is for you. If I don't watch it then maybe I'm not killing myself. Doesn't really work huh?

1 comment:

Kelli said...

Well, I'm not sure what to say other than...you are so precious. Hang in there and don't be afraid to be transparent more often. It's so hard to be misunderstood, but believe me, if you need an ear I'm here.

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