Wednesday, August 6, 2008

More on my book experience....

Okay... so last night I decide I'm going to curl up with the book I have been reading about being a better wife. I turn to chapter 6 or 7 ... can't remember exactly, and begin reading. I'm really seeing a lot of myself in this one.... I'll tell you a secret... I try to be my husbands conscience a lot. I am a very independent person. It's in my genes... all of my siblings are like that... I'm like that. It can be a blessing and a curse.... when it come to marriage, it's a bit of a curse. I don't fully trust my husband to do things the "right" way. I would rather go to the store myself than send my husband because most likely he will get the wrong brand at the wrong price or the wrong amount... etc. And most of the time this is true... but is it really that big of a deal? Should I be nitpicking every single choice my husband makes? Shouldn't I trust his judgment as the head of our household even if it not exactly the way I would do it?

I struggle with this a lot. It's something I need to work on. I've done pretty well in regards to how he interacts with our son. I tried to make that decision before he was born. He was going to do things differently... put his diapers on differently... feed him differently... play with him differently... and you know what ... that's okay. He's going to have his own parenting style. He doesn't have to be an exact clone of myself. However, we do need to agree on important things like discipline and expectations etc... but the small details I just need to get over it. It's not worth causing strife over....I just need to carry that thinking over to other things.

So that was great. The book got me thinking, self analyzing, questioning. Then it just made me mad. I totally get what the author was trying to do but she went a little overboard. So instead of me relaxing on the sofa sipping my coffee I was turning pages with deep sighs and muttering under my breath. My relaxing evening just turned into me being highly annoyed.

She starts the chapter talking about fear... that having fear is healthy, it brings a respect for God etc. I totally agree with that. Then mid way through the chapter she decided to put ridiculous fear in the women that are reading this book. I understand that divorce is looked at as "easy" and being a single mom is glorified sometimes. So she was trying to counteract that... I totally get that.... but... geez did you have to make my reading time so depressing and stressful? I think that level of fear is not healthy. Here is an excerpt to help you understand where I am coming from:

She is talking about single moms:
...They dress cheaply; their hair has a ragged cut, and the dark circles under their young eyes testify to their faded hope...... They are always distracted because they are thinking of their unhappy children or the baby-sitter's new, weird boyfriend who comes over when she is at work. Sometimes they team up with another single mom to share resources, childcare responsibilities, and troubles. Lately, I have been reading how many of these single women are turning to each other for comfort-- sometime for intimacy. Do you think anything might ever drive you to that? A new breed of women. The are independent, in charge and stressed. They grow old early, trying futilely to care for unruly children whom no man wants to stepfather. The grow bitter as they watch eligible men look over their heads at girls much younger than themselves, who have no strings attached. And they grow fearful when they realize that the men who have shown interest in them are hiding perverted intents toward their cute little youngsters. Their kids are angry and often get into trouble.

But all this was not your fault. No, it was your husband who committed adultery, your husband who was angry or got into porn.... He takes the kids every other weekend and spoils them, making them hate you all the more....When you discover a lump in your breast, your teens don't care or understand the gravity of the situation. You struggle alone with your fear and take yourself to the doctor, knowing that even though this might not end in death, it is the end of hope."

Okay, am I the only one that thinks this is a little bit much?? Makes me mad just reading it.... this kind of fear isn't healthy... it's ridiculous....

grrrr..... I have to put the computer down

1 comment:

Sara said...

yeah, that's totally rediculous! What in the world is the redeeming value in saying any of that! I'm with you.

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